An Apology to Both of Us

To this day,
the mere mention of your name
still turns my stomach upside down.
But it has gotten much worse over the last five years,
it’s as if the butterflies have somehow evolved into
fire-breathing dragons.
I bet even Charles Darwin couldn’t explain
how monsters could exist inside human beings.

To this day I still think about
How well we hid the words I love you
in safe phrases like thank you and goodnight.
We said them often.
We said them often until we didn’t anymore.
Was it a sudden rift
or were we a slow fade?
I honestly forgot how it all ended
I just remember that it hurt.

Last night I found myself walking in circles
in the middle of the bar
when some man in a hurry
spilled his drink all over my dress.
It was my fault for being befuddled.
Yet he apologized for not giving much care.
We looked up and saw each other
eye to eye.
There was that stinging recognition
of who we are,
of who we were.

Our last I love you
came out as an apology.
“I’m sorry” he said.
“So am I.”

So am I.