What Love Isn’t About


background photo from 10wallpaper.com

LOVE is a word we have long been acquainted to but its meaning remains ever-elusive. I do not really know and understand much of what it is about, but I do have an idea of what it is not about.

Love isn’t about ‘chemistry.’
Love is not a science or a branch of it. Love isn’t simply about two different elements put together to form either a positive or negative reaction.Oftentimes, you meet a person and you just click. You find someone who loves the same things you love—  someone who wouldn’t get tired of listening to the same song over and over; You find someone who you can share a comfortable banter with— someone  who you can call an ugly flirt or a stupid bastard and can also call you words to that effect, knowing all the mockery is just an expression of love; You find someone who handles your mood swings— someone who manages to bear the world on his/her shoulders when you’re having a crappy day.  Oftentimes you find a person who does all these and know he/she is not “the one.”Maybe you can have all the other people say “You look good together.” Or “You look happy together,” or the extreme “Why not be together?” And in a spur of the moment, those simple statements seem unfathomable because both of you are aware that what you share is not what others see or what others expect it to be.

On the contrary, some people are like North Pole and South Pole who, after a lot of  argumentations, agreed to meet halfway at the equator, flattening out bulges of differences.  Sometimes, you find someone who seem to be your exact opposite and yet know he/she is your person.  Maybe one prefers ballad while the other prefers rock; Maybe one is too loud and outspoken while the other is shy and oversensitive; Maybe one is too optimistic while the other is very skeptic and pessimistic.  Sometimes you find someone who doesn’t seem to be the type of person you would want to share an eternity with but you vow to stick together forever anyway.

Perhaps people would see no spark.  Perhaps the world guffaws at the idea of you being together. But does that matter? Not as much as what both of you think. Maybe it’s about believing that what you have is right even when others dictate you it’s wrong.

Love isn’t about compatibility.

Love isn’t about the right timing.

There is no perfect magical moment. When you keep on waiting for it, you’ll most probably end up not having any moment at all. As it has been said in the  film Ever After (A Cinderella Story) and I quote: “You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She’s got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand.”You are not the knight in shining armor or the damsel in distress in your very own fairy tale who’d surely get a happily ever after in the end. You are just one of the billion people hoping to find true love in a messed up world.In the first place, who’s in the position to say when it’s the right time and when it’s not? Maybe your person is still with the wrong person, just waiting for you to save him/her. Maybe it would be really nice to casually admit feelings in the middle of answering a Math quiz (provided you won’t be accused of cheating). Maybe by the time your person finishes college he/she already shunned the idea of falling in love and then you’ll regret not saying  that you’ve always liked him/her since first grade.

Maybe the wrong timing is the perfect timing.

Love isn’t about keeping the object of affection.
Not all love leads to commitment and marriage. But does that make it any less real? Not all who had loved won. But does that really make one a loser?Love is not about possession or reciprocity of the same and equal affection. As David Cain said in one of his articles in Thought Catalog,  “Love reveals itself when you release your need to have the object of your affection, and see that there’s no reason to make it yours. That it exists at all is enough. To love something is to disappear in its favor — to die to your own interests so that it can be what it is.”

Love does not obligate.

If I am to be asked what love is, I would say it’s about acceptance and change, courage and fear, bliss and suffering. It isn’t about chemistry or right timing or keeping the object of affection. It is not about any of the three but possibly all of these combined.

**originally posted in my old blog http://tinefinityandbeyond.blogspot.com/