Weird and Twisted and Drowning
“We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning.”
– Haruki Murakami –
We’re all kind of weird. All of us are most probably standing in the fine line between sanity and lunacy. There are times when you feel like greeting a stranger just ’cause you had a great day (maybe because you won a basketball game in which you were the MVP or maybe your crush sent you a friend request on Facebook and liked your profile picture). There are times when you’re walking to school or strolling around the mall with your earphones plucked in your ear and your favorite song paints a smile on your face. When the smirk evolves into a grin, people would think you are stupid or crazy or something. But there’s a reason behind that smile– a strong feeling, a lingering memory. And it catches you off guard every single time.
You can admit it or deny it. But at one point in your life, you actually unintentionally talked to yourself out loud… in a public place. That’s okay you’re not alone. Though others may think of you as schizophrenic or bipolar or delusional, you know for yourself you are still mentally fine. You just got carried away putting yourself in different situations and practicing what’s best to say in each. Or maybe you are replaying a conversation in your head and you’re wondering what could have been better said. That’s normal. Weird is too mainstream that it becomes normal.
We’re all kind of twisted. As the song goes: we’re not broken, just bent. Sometimes you feel sad just because it seems to be the right emotion to feel; you feel hurt because you feel like you have the right to feel hurt. Your head becomes all hubbub and hullabaloo because you even have feelings about your feelings. You feel as much as you think (which is way too much). As Jerry Spinelli wrote in his book There’s a Girl in my Hammerlock, and I quote: “But feelings, they don’t care about telling. They just go right on, piling on top of one another like a big sandwich.”
Oftentimes, you are confused because you are confusing yourself. When you want something so bad, you try so hard to convince yourself you don’t want it (so in case you wont’ have it, it wouldn’t hurt much). You always prevent yourself from getting hurt. The thing is, by desperately trying to protect yourself from pain, you hurt all the more.
We’re all kind of drowning because we choose to stay submerged in the pool of fear, doubt, and confusion we have created for ourselves. You could always get yourself out of there anytime if you want to. But you choose not to. You’re waiting for other people to do that for you to see if you are worth saving. Without a doubt, you are. But again, we’re all kind of drowning. Your hero probably needs saving too.
Yes, we’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. And it’s just amazing how we can be flawed and at the same time, we can still love and be completely loved.