April 15, 2014

A Farewell Love Letter from a School to a Graduating Student (Spoken Word)

by christine magpayo
original background photo from http://www.minnamay.com

original background photo from http://www.minnamay.com

 

(Dear Reader, this piece was really meant to be heard and not silently read. Please do me a favor.
I hope you read this one even in the most quiet whisper. Thank you.)

 

You had such great affection towards me!
Well, we both know much of it was not positive.
But still, I guess I should be flattered.
I mean, negative affection is still affection.
Right?

 

You hated me for a number of reasons
(there are four on my list)
And before I finally let you go,
please allow me to explain my side.

 

Number one:
You blame me for the layers of flab in your belly,
for your extra chin,
for being covered in cellulites.
Hey.
I never told you to dial McDonalds every single night
or to open big bags of chips and boxes of chocolates
which only keep you awake
but never make you do your homework.
Let’s face the truth—
amount of food and level of productivity have always been
inversely proportional.
The more you eat, the less you actually do.
Dear, please.
It’s not my fault that you are fat.

 

Number two:
Sleepless nights and eyebags.
Come on.
That’s an aimless accusation.
I am not the one who keeps you awake when it’s already late.
Facebook and twitter are such dirty flirts.

 

Number three:
When you asked for good grades, I gave you something else.
I gave you someone to give flowers to,
someone to write poems for,
someone to think about until two o’clock in the morning
when you have to wake up at six for a midterm exam.
Dude I gave you someone else worth loving aside from me!
See how I’m not so selfish at all?
Although…
that someone sure had stronger and deeper feelings for me than for you.
Ooohh that grade conscious babe couldn’t get enough of me.
The three of us were a love triangle!

You really despised me for this, didn’t you?
But not as much for the last on the list.

 

Number four:
You didn’t like the way I always measured your worth.
You said I never made you feel like you were ever enough.
Why, what’s so good about being just enough?
With you, nothing was ever wrong.
It’s just that something was always lacking and it didn’t feel right.
You said even stars could only give off just as much.
And I laughed.
I laughed so hard because you dared to compare yourself to a star.
What did you think of yourself?
A red giant? A white dwarf?
Are you nuts? You are not a star.
You
are a galaxy.

 

You said I had a knack in breaking you.
But if a flower hid behind a tainted glass window
and the only way sunlight could get to it is through a small crack,
wouldn’t you want to shatter the glass into pieces
so that the flower inside the dark room could live?
Sometimes
you have to break what is fragile outside
to preserve whatever beautiful thing is hiding inside.
I don’t think there’s something bad about breaking
and being broken
if it’s for the good of the beloved.

If I broke you a million times over
it’s because I loved you.
I loved you the way I believe you needed to be loved.

 

Heartbreak.
Heartbreak.
You were not the only one who felt it.

You treated me like I was hell that must be escaped from.
My fires were your home.
My fires kept you safe.
Yet every now and then you would want to leave me.
Do you have the slightest idea what it feels like to be the one who always stays?
Do you recognize the anguish of being the one who always waits?

In summers and Christmasses when you’re not here,
all I do is count the weeks and the days until you come back.
You always came back.
But this time…
this time I know I will have to stop waiting.

 

I’ve witnessed far too many goodbyes in my life—
some uttered some not.
Some were easy while others hard.
Ours was
expected.
Before we even started
we already knew eventually we’ll arrive to this “ideal” irreversible end.

And now,
before you go for good,
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for choosing me
and for sticking with me for the past couple of years
even when it was in the least of your interest.

 

Kindly do me a goodbye favor.
Love what you’re supposed to love.
Chase what you’re supposed to chase.
If it’s worth loving, then I suppose it’s worth chasing.
And please
think of me once in a while.
I would not ask you anymore to go back.
I only ask that you remember.

I hope you remember.
Cause I—
I will never forget.

April 4, 2014

The Art of Getting By (Memorable Quotes)

by christine magpayo

Since we’re all too scared to say the things worth saying, we just wait for some fictional characters to say it for us.
It’s safer that way, of course. But it’s never less agonizing. Never.

 

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“Use that brain of yours to express that beautiful heart of yours. So figure out what you want to say and say it.”

 

 

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“You just gotta do it or else it will never happen.”

 

 

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“I’m so sorry I lost you. I broke my promise.”

 

 

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“You gotta do something here. You might lose her.”

 

 

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“I actually felt something. That doesn’t always happen, it hasn’t happened in a very long time… and I have lived long enough to know that when it does, you should act on it.”

 

 

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“Things change, sometimes so quickly you don’t even notice it.”

 

 

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“I’m in love with you. I always have been. I thought you were the unfair one, but it was unfair of me not to say it. So I’ve said it. I was nothing. I felt like nothing. Less than. You changed that.”

 

April 2, 2014

How He Loved Her

by christine magpayo

 

Image

background photo from extravaganzi.com | painting “Jeune Fille Endormie” by Pablo Picasso

 

He looked at her as if she was his favorite painting in the museum.
No, that would be an understatement.
He looked at her as if she was the only piece of art in the world.

She was a Picasso— a coming together of seemingly misplaced parts and colors wherein she kept her reasons well. She was madness. Crowds were easily drawn to her because she was… different. People loved different. But other than that, she was difficult. She would not reveal so much of herself and that frustrated those who claimed to love her. Eventually they all left. One by one they all walked away. Except for him. He stayed. And if he had to go, he made sure to come back. Always.

For most times, he tried to figure her out. He tried to make sense of what she was or what she could possibly be. One time he felt like she was helping him. He heard her speak. Without a sound, he heard her speaking to him and nobody else. When he looked at her from different perspectives, he realized every angle told a different story. She was all about hope and fear, love and hate. Hell, she was a dichotomy. She was duality. That confused him even more. And yet, he loved her. He loved all of her, even the parts he could not understand and probably will never understand.

It occurred to him once: could he keep her? Then the more relevant question immediately dawned on him: Does she want to be kept? So he let her stay in her own frame, in her wall where she will always feel safe. And he always stood close enough to watch her.

He loved her the way a masterpiece should be loved— timeless but distant.
He loved her the way she wanted to be loved.
That, for him, was more than enough.

March 31, 2014

Spaces

by christine magpayo
Image

background photo from http://www.paolodlr.com

 

In   between   the   words   I   write
are   the   spaces   where   I   hide—
the   spaces   where   I   hide   you.

 

Where   there   seems   to   be   nothing,
my   everything   lives.

 

In   the   blankness,
in   the   emptiness   where
I   try   to   keep   you   safe,
there   is   infinite    sense.

 

In   between   the   words   I   write
are   the   spaces   where   I   love—
the   spaces   where   I   love   you.

March 15, 2014

Maybe-Endings-Make Sense-After All

by christine magpayo

Maybe

We will love each other
until we can’t,
until we don’t.

 

Endings

This is how I will let you go—
slowly, painfully,
and then completely.

 

Make Sense

If time cannot heal,
maybe love can…
before it breaks you again.

 

After All

Life is but a series of endings
leading to beginnings
that mark more endings.

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