(Dear Reader, this piece was really meant to be heard and not silently read. Please do me a favor.
I hope you read this one even in the most quiet whisper. Thank you.)
You had such great affection towards me!
Well, we both know much of it was not positive.
But still, I guess I should be flattered.
I mean, negative affection is still affection.
You hated me for a number of reasons
(there are four on my list)
And before I finally let you go,
please allow me to explain my side.
You blame me for the layers of flab in your belly,
for your extra chin,
for being covered in cellulites.
I never told you to dial McDonalds every single night
or to open big bags of chips and boxes of chocolates
which only keep you awake
but never make you do your homework.
Let’s face the truth—
amount of food and level of productivity have always been
The more you eat, the less you actually do.
It’s not my fault that you are fat.
Sleepless nights and eyebags.
That’s an aimless accusation.
I am not the one who keeps you awake when it’s already late.
Facebook and twitter are such dirty flirts.
When you asked for good grades, I gave you something else.
I gave you someone to give flowers to,
someone to write poems for,
someone to think about until two o’clock in the morning
when you have to wake up at six for a midterm exam.
Dude I gave you someone else worth loving aside from me!
See how I’m not so selfish at all?
that someone sure had stronger and deeper feelings for me than for you.
Ooohh that grade conscious babe couldn’t get enough of me.
The three of us were a love triangle!
You really despised me for this, didn’t you?
But not as much for the last on the list.
You didn’t like the way I always measured your worth.
You said I never made you feel like you were ever enough.
Why, what’s so good about being just enough?
With you, nothing was ever wrong.
It’s just that something was always lacking and it didn’t feel right.
You said even stars could only give off just as much.
And I laughed.
I laughed so hard because you dared to compare yourself to a star.
What did you think of yourself?
A red giant? A white dwarf?
Are you nuts? You are not a star.
are a galaxy.
You said I had a knack in breaking you.
But if a flower hid behind a tainted glass window
and the only way sunlight could get to it is through a small crack,
wouldn’t you want to shatter the glass into pieces
so that the flower inside the dark room could live?
you have to break what is fragile outside
to preserve whatever beautiful thing is hiding inside.
I don’t think there’s something bad about breaking
and being broken
if it’s for the good of the beloved.
If I broke you a million times over
it’s because I loved you.
I loved you the way I believe you needed to be loved.
You were not the only one who felt it.
You treated me like I was hell that must be escaped from.
My fires were your home.
My fires kept you safe.
Yet every now and then you would want to leave me.
Do you have the slightest idea what it feels like to be the one who always stays?
Do you recognize the anguish of being the one who always waits?
In summers and Christmasses when you’re not here,
all I do is count the weeks and the days until you come back.
You always came back.
But this time…
this time I know I will have to stop waiting.
I’ve witnessed far too many goodbyes in my life—
some uttered some not.
Some were easy while others hard.
Before we even started
we already knew eventually we’ll arrive to this “ideal” irreversible end.
before you go for good,
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for choosing me
and for sticking with me for the past couple of years
even when it was in the least of your interest.
Kindly do me a goodbye favor.
Love what you’re supposed to love.
Chase what you’re supposed to chase.
If it’s worth loving, then I suppose it’s worth chasing.
think of me once in a while.
I would not ask you anymore to go back.
I only ask that you remember.
I hope you remember.
I will never forget.